Becoming a single mom… with 3 under 3?

Hi, I’m a single mom of 3 kids 3 and under and all of us have chronic illnesses. And, I’m a survivor of domestic violence.

Shifting gears to “Single”

Well, if I’m honest this is not how I expected this to go. When I started this blog last year, I thought I would be at 50+ posts by now, I would be well into building this up into a blog with lots of great freebies and products to offer moms who were going through something similar. At that point, the “something similar” was 3 kids under 3 with complex medical issues, a husband with a chronic illness, and my own chronic illnesses which were complicated by back-to-back pregnancies. I did not think we would be shifting gears like this.

I depended quite a bit on having a partner to care for and love our kids. Some days, my chronic pain was so severe I could not imagine being a single mom. Some days, I felt strong and capable and thought I could do it! Until the next day the mental fatigue of PTSD kicked in. There came a point where I had to make the decision to leave. It was painful, scary, there were so many unknowns…

But here we are, still navigating being a mom with chronic illness with 3 young children with chronic illnesses–now I’m a single mom. I do not know why God decided now was the time for this, but I trust Him. I’ve been memorizing Isaiah 43 through this trial (yes, the whole chapter) and what has been made apparent to me is that God is redeeming me, He loves me, and through the waters, through the rivers, through the fire and the flame, He will be with me and He will not let me be consumed–why? Because He loves me… and not in the cheesy way, nor in the heady theologically heady way… but because His character is that He loves me. So much that He gave Jesus for me. So much that He will hold me through all of this.

So bear with me as we change gears, as we figure this out, and ride along as we look into what it’s really like to leave an abusive marriage when you (and all your kiddos) have chronic health issues. Single motherhood is not for the faint of heart, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. We’re navigating the emotions, the fears, the logistics. Navigating CYFD, custody, and courts. Navigating the mental and physical illnesses that definitely did not just go away. Navigating the finances, the routine, the appointments and meetings. Navigating rejoicing in suffering, suffering well in suffering, and looking for God in all of this.

I have yet to find the resources I need to understand this not just from a logistic standpoint, but also “how do you do this when you have a disability?” viewpoint, and a “where’s God in this?” so here I am, creating it for the next mama who goes through this. I’m more than a survivor, more than a single mom, more than a chronic illness–I am redeemed and set free! And I hope you can follow along this journey and see how God can take ashes and turn them into something new and beautiful.

So what can you expect from this blog going forward? I’ll still be authentic in sharing what it’s like to manage chronic mental and physical illnesses while being a single mom, managing my babies’ health, scrunchy living, and you’ll get tools that I’ll build along the way. I also plan on sharing the real behind-the-scenes of what leaving domestic violence looks like. When you’re in the middle of it, it can be really hard to want to leave when you don’t know what’s next. For years I cried out to God asking “where are you? Why won’t you make this stop?” but I was also stuck in it because “how am I supposed to leave when there are all of these barriers?” I longed for someone to just give me a glimmer of what to expect, and not the sunshine-and-rainbows-10-years-down-the-line-everything-got-better type of what to expect, but the real in the trenches what to expect. I knew it wouldn’t be exactly what I went through, but I wanted an idea of what I was walking into while I was walking away. I’m going to give that raw, authentic, experience here. And as I learn, make mistakes, and troubleshoot I want to create tools and resources and guides to share with you.

If you or someone you know is in a domestic violence situation please visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline website where you can learn more, chat, text, call, and find resources. If you suspect domestic violence with children involved or any child abuse, please reach out to your local child protective services.

So let’s see where God takes us on this journey, be sure to subscribe to keep in the loop.

Chronically yours,

Sierra